Why am I starting to blog again after almost 10 years?
In one of my posts from that time I wrote: “To this end I created Debug Reality which is an attempt through programming and the internet to foster positive patterns.”
This is almost identical to where I am picking up again now!
So what happened to me that caused me to stop pursuing my dream for 10 years and how did I find my way back to my passion?
Meta comment: Writing and reflecting on this really pushed my “i am a loser” negative self talk and stopped me continuing writing this for a day.
“I am a loser” is one of many different thought distortions or defense mechanisms or superstitions that a lot of people have about themselves. It is also one of a number that I had not got to the bottom of or was unable to handle 10 years ago.
10 Years ago I was able to follow my dreams because I didn’t have anything in my life triggering those parts of myself that always get in my way. That is the negative self talk or superstitions like that I am a loser or I am a lone wolf.
But then I started a serious relationship which blossomed into starting a family and resulted in ton of triggers pushing all my negative self talk buttons!
There was buying a house which is a pretty big responsibility and not just any old house this one was a fixer upper. Then getting married. Then having a baby who turned out to have special need.
My wife suffered from post natal depression. I had issues around work. My relationship almost ended. My wife suffered from clinical depression. More issues around work. COVID happened and we were one of the most locked down cities in the world.
But all of this made me want to be better, before this happened I thought I was good but this opened my eyes to just how fragile and how much growing I still needed to do. I got help from psychologists, Landmark training, mindfulness, hypnotherapy and finally Mel Robins mindset reset.
Now I feel a lot more aware of who I am, of my limiting thoughts and have the tools to move past them. I feel more humble and less focused on myself. More compassionate to others and myself. Less harsh on myself. I have shared and improved my relationships with friends and family.
So here I am back where I started in a way, but stronger, move compassionate, more aware, less arrogant and less selfish and separate.
So instead of listening to my negative self talk and feeling like a loser for not having made progress on my “dreams” I actually feel accomplished and more capable than ever. So next time you feel like you haven’t made any progress and your mind says “loser” give yourself a moment to actually reflect on what you went through what you survived and learned and what strengths you now have. Life is a journey even when we appear to be back in the same place the reality is we can never go back to the past so that idea is itself a lie.
The future is suddenly bright and I plan to blog more about all the lessons I learned in that 10 years and the lessons I learnt before then. I plan to write a book or two and start a business that can help others through the power of software – apps that do good.